Of Bastards and Dogs

I live in old-suburbia PJ, where streets are lined with decrepit bungalows, built in an age where very much every other part of PJ was nothing more than acres of rubber estates. In this part of town, all you get are ancient Tan Sri's, Datuks, YB's and generally old people, living out their years in what they deem as idillic. To me, you just end up feeling older in the company of old people. Doesn't help that chicks are rare and far between (by this I mean the daughters/grandaughters available). When you do find them, they're just about old enough for you to call "kakak/aunty". Far cry from Sri Hartamas (where I used to live, back when it wasn't as famous).

What we DO have though, are lots of dogs. On the street I live in, 11 of the 17 houses lining it have at least 1 dog. On average, there are about 1.5 dogs per house I reckon. A real animal's heaven this. Now, I've got nothing against dogs, and I must admit that most of them are pretty friendly to the frequent walker like me. What I am against, is the releasing of dogs in the evenings and nights, so that they can do their thing (poo digested Pedigree Chow Chow) all over the street. Its disgraceful really, how old and well off people cannot and will not be a little more civic conscious.

Most people don't give a dogs ass, because they don't have to walk along the street. It becomes a minefield in the mornings, having to avoid, sidestep and jostle my way around piles of dogdung. This, while chewing on breakfast, and planning my working day. As if that isn't enough to contend with, everytime a car goes over a pile of shit, it multiplies the patches. Spreading the joy all over. What was essentially one pile turns out to be 5 patches after a car goes over it. Have another car go over the patch, and it's multiplied again. Reminds me of my art project in kindergarten.

What should have been done is an amendment to the municipal laws (along with its due enforcement of course). If owners can't be bothered about picking up after their dogs, pound every single unattended animal outside the owner's compound. Animal needs exercise? Tough luck, you'd have to bring them for a walk yourself. Not let them run free dumbass. Else you'd prefer me picking up after your dog, after which I will throw your dog poo on your spanking new Mercedes. Owning pets brings about responsibility, just in case you don't know.

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I was on my way to breakfast this morning when I passed by a newspaper vendor. There, one particular headline caught my eye. It said, "Anak Halal Jadi Haram" (From legitimate child to bastard). With just about every other newspaper talking about the fuel price hike, this was the exception. Not wanting to spend RM 1 on what is essentially tabloid material, I took a brief glance at what the article had to say.

Apparently, it said that a father was grief stricken when he found out he couldn't put his name on the birth certificate of his child because his marriage certificate was fake. Question. Who the fuck comes up with fake marriage certs, and for what purpose? Where the hell did he obtain a fake cert, and lastly but most importantly, isn't it stupid that a father not be given his right to put his name as the child's father in the birth cert?

These cases brings back the whole ideal of marriages in our often religious and cultural eyes. I'm guessing that the guy probably got married somewhere along the Thai border to avoid detection by his first wife, either that or he just bought a certificate so as not to get caught with his pants down in a dingy motel when religious officers come knocking. Else, I can't forsee any other reason as to why the state religious department itself would issue fake marriage certs.

Of greater importance is the fact that they will rather let the child be a bastard child, without a father to "call his own", rather than having a man, who professes to being the father of the child, being allowed to claim so legitimately. I really do hope it has nothing to do with being legitimately/religiously married. Is this, or is this not a flaw in our system? What is the rationale of having marriage be prerequisite for being a father? What the fuck is happening?

Gripes of the Week

• I don't get it. Why would a woman wear a very svelt, body hugging low cut white blouse with black bra to "match", only to fold her arms everywhere she goes (or hide her boobs behind a file/bag), even while walking. What is the logic of wearing something like that but not wanting to show off? Off course I'm going to stare at you. Woman, you've got nice breasts.
  

• Wow, we have a Klu Klux Klan in Malaysia. Supposedly going around in robes and masks, torching concrete teapots in the sky kingdom, "in the name of Big Joe". Wonder if they have pointy white hats, meet in swampy areas, and crucify anyone. Oh, and true to our Malaysian way of doing things, they've only managed to "cause some minimal damage" (want to copy, do some serious damage la wei). Malaysia boleh. Hope mass graves aren't next on the list.

Oh Vanity!

I feel like a fucking peacock. Everytime I strut out my door, out come my technicolor feathers. I have bounce in my steps, I strut like I've got balls Federer could hit around the court. I've become, as most of you could have become accustomed to, the proverbial 20's male.

Like it or not, I seem to have a sudden uncontrolable need to show off. To market myself like a cheap whore flagging attention. At one point in time in my life, and that wasn't that long ago, I used to think that I had no use impressing the fairer sex. Now, I can't stop the hormons oozing from every pore and hole in my body. I don't even need to try. It comes so naturally I feel like crying knowing what I've become. My wallet has stopped wailing.

You know whats really weird? I'm not alone. Every single one of my friends have the same uncontrolable urge to do the same. Everyone, to many degrees and extends, have changed somewhat since the scruffy mornings of university. And its not confined to the males. Even females have that uncontrolable urge too. Maybe its just that time in your life. Where you need to snag your other half before the next bastard/bitch takes him/her.

But what is the point? Whats the point of spending so much time, money, effort, on something that is so unguaranteed? Don't ask stupid questions. Its nature. No one can blame nature. How do you blame something you didn't create and you can't control. Right? Damn beer gut and bald spot. I hate being vain.

Morning Has Broken

I woke up today to the warm Straits of Malacca breeze. It has been a while since I've slept so peacefully, no matter how short the sleep. Something though, kept me from the feelings of Hensel and Gretel when they first saw the witch's house of sweets. I remembered a time when Port Dickson meant so much more to me than just a popular retreat. That seems to be the problem with memories; the feelings never last more than that moment it happened.

I walked to the balcony, half dazed from one too many party drinks, and soon found myself staring into the horizon (there wasn't much of a horizon, since the fucking haze is back). For such a beautiful morning, I kept wondering to myself as to why I couldn't muster that smile of satisfaction to welcome it.

It occurs to me, that in the grinding toilings of life, no one manages to muster smiles in the mornings. Every single day, I sit patiently waiting for my bus, crossing paths with the same people, at the same time, caught in the same routine. Everyone goes about in automatic synchronization, in controlled chaos, all being poor slaves of the system. Parents, school going children, office workers, busy bees, white collared, blue collared, Malaysian, Bangla, Indon, expat, all with the same expressions of emptiness.

Makes me wonder how many of us truly thank the heavens for that extra day in life we have. Makes me wonder how many of us truly want to live that extra day. Makes me wonder what I can do differently tomorrow. I don't want to be a slave. Maybe if I smiled more I'd be ok. Hopefully no one would send me to the loony bin.

Lately, I've come to believe that if you have a fucked up morning; you have a fucked up day. You can overcome this by bypassing the mornings altogether by waking up in the afternoons (or not waking up at all, ever), or you can best make sure, to the surest of sures, that you'd have a great morning. Hence, todays resolution is to wake up a happier person tomorrow. To thank Big Joe for giving me that extra day. To finally sit at the bus stop, and not sigh at what has become of me, the want-away slave of life. One day I shall be master.

Big News! Big News!

Darnit. I'd have to set the record straight now. I did not, in my previous blog, diss PETRONAS. To those of you smart enough to read between the lines, please don't. Everything should remain at face value. I am greatful to PETRONAS for all that it has given me, and would gladly serve my bond with them. That said, I am actually practicing the first rule of office politics. Covering your own ass. Go PETRONAS!

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Moving on. Big news of the past week. Firstly, Isa Samad gets a suspension for practicing money politics. Highly politicised stuff and extreme coverage by the media. Why? Because he was a big fish. Not the small fry usually investigated by the ACA. I say, Badawi has made his point. No big fish is safe from investigation and punishment. BUT, really, once you zoom out, how does this really affect us? Yeah sure, he had it coming, and it does send out a statement to the other people wanting to dabble in corruption. My question is, what have they done to those who recieved the payouts? I'm sure there must have been at least a 100 of them, right? After all, he did garner the most votes in the last party elections.

And what about corruption in general? What about the small fries out there that are directly connected to our miniscule lives? The corrupt district officers, policemen, municipal staff and enforcers, approval agencies staff etc etc. These are the people that we meet everyday. The people that we come to contact in everyday working life. These are the people that really make or break a project/person/day/bank account. Do you really think that 6 years suspension of a big fish is BIG enough a deterrent for those mentioned above? And if it does prove to be a deterrent for these people, in true Malaysian fashion, for how long will it remain an obstacle before things return to "normalcy"?

Finally, what becomes of Isa Samad himself? Despite being charged and punished, he still holds the title of Tan Sri (a respected person by any standards). And as far as I know, he remains Federal Territories Minister. Question remains as to whether we could tolerate a "convicted" corrupt official remaining in a very influential position, carrying a very influential and highly regarded title. This will all simmer down, and he will bounce back. All politicians die hard. Go Malaysia!

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Recently, the PM came out with a statement that he would crack down on printed media/advertisements concentrating on sex. Almost immediately, everyone condemned it. Bloggers went all out criticizing the merits of such a move and clearly projecting displeasure. The psyche remains that when freedom is challenged, people will make noise. Ask us not to do something, and in true teenage-raging-hormone-fashion, we will revolt.

All I can say is this. Sex sells. Sex is scandalous. Besides murder and price hikes, sex, in all forms, is and remains big media material. The media, be it Barisan owned newspapers or the ever popular chick/dick mags all have tons of material on this. Just in different forms. For example, while the newspapers might not be so brazen as to suggest naughty foreplay techniques, they do give front page coverage on the serial rapist that raped 2 tourists and molested a boy. Not the same thing you say? How about the murder case of Noritta Samsudin? True, it was a murder case, but I am sure EVERYONE remembered reading the highly explicit contents of the court proceedings. Feel like cracking down on NST, The Star, The Sun, Berita Harian, Utusan Malaysia, Harian Metro, Tamil Nanban, Sin Chiew Jit Poh and Nanyang Siang Pao, Badawi? How about a six year suspension for them as well? Oh, we have to start with a show cause letter. Anyone interested in starting up a newspaper with me? We'd have immediate market share and the cream of the reporters crop.

Now for the rest of you readers and bloggers. Quit complaining and criticizing. We live in a global world. If we really absolutely have to reignite our sex lives with sometimes very brilliant ideas, google the contents. I'm sure you'd get tonnes of results. And if you think reading from the computer screen strains your eyes (and other parts of the body), I'm sure as hell that you'd be travelling overseas, or know of someone travelling overseas that can help you bring back a mag or two ( I didn't have any problems what so ever bringing smut in through customs). You don't have to go far, Singapore has some pretty decent selections. And if even that doesn't cut it for you, we still have the RM 31 Cosmo's and FHM's. Variety IS out there. Go chick/dick mags!

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Badawi, Badawi. Your intentions are noble and brave. Its commendable, but I haven't seen any details of your plans, whether its combating corrution or upholding asian values (I will never agree with the government being moral policemen, but apparently the masses do). Do you even have a plan to begin with? David won against Goliath because he had a gameplan. David, come to think of it, may have won against Goliath, but that was an isolated case. Many a David-wannabe after that have been squashed by the Goliaths. Sadly, you are the David and the system is the Goliath. It'll be a pity if you get squashed. Go Badawi!