The Anniversary

November 26th

Congratulations.

Lets commemorate this day, with a prayer.

"Some people are built more heartless than others,
Some people are built stronger than others.
Some people are built bigger, better liars,
Some people are built more resolute and unnerving.
Some people are built to betray and betray,
Some people are built to ignore and more.

What You took away from me, I will get back.
What I lost to You, I will compensate.
It may have all been a distant memory,
But it is the rawness of yesterday,
that keeps me going.

I remember that retribution has its many ways,
And revenge many more.
For as long as I am alive,
They will NEVER be at peace.
For as long as I am here,
You will kick them out of paradise.

The two things I owe,
neither was deserved.
Grant me the strength for another year.
And the patience of many more.

Amen."

Today is a very special day. If I've made it thus far,
I can make it through anything. Bleak winters a'comin.

*******************************************************************************
Yesterday I walked from KLCC to KL Sentral. Nothing better to do on a Friday night apparently. It was nice. All 2 hours of it, from Jalan Ampang, to Lebuh Ampang, to Masjid India, to Central Market, including the pitstop at Petaling Street. It was great, it was relaxing, it was hot as hell, but it was fun to be in the company of some great friends. People equally crazy enough to walk that far. Gave us alot of time to think, and alot of time to talk. Gave me some time to be both on my own, but at the same time in the company of friends.

I'll never try that again. It was just depressing in a way. Normal people spend time chilling out on a Friday night. I think I'll dedicate that walk to the anniversary above. Amen!

Thinking

We all believe in sound planning. We believe that with a little more thought, an occation, a trip, your life, the future would jive a little better. I used to put a lot of thought into planning. I'd spend hours at a time, pondering, mulling, thinking of how something was best done. How best to approach a situation, how I'd like my life to be at a certain target age.

It amazes me the possibilities an idle mind can bring. Sit alone for 20 minutes in a corner, uninterrupted, and you might just come up with a cure for cancer. Sit alone for a further 20 minutes, and you'd be spewing quantum physics from your ears. A further 20 minutes after that, and they'd have to admit you to the psychiatric ward.

I used to think that most things in life especially shouldn't be over-thought. I used to think that I'd cross the bridge when I get there. Que Sera Sera man. But what happens if bridges are burned? What happens if bridges are swept away? What happens if at the end of the day, you'd just want to walk along the river without actually crossing that bridge? What if, you burn that bridge?

Consequences are not something to be thought of too much. Simple reason being that there are too many possibilities, infinite in amount and so unpredictable, you might as well try predicting what the next Euro lottery numbers are. It becomes especially bad if there are other humans involved. No matter how long you've known a person, and how much time you've spent analyzing the bugger, you'd never really know what that person will do in a certain situation. See how in a single paragraph I've manage to contradict myself?

The coming months will be a turning point in my life. Typical of any mid twenties adult, changes are abound. Drama, oh the drama. I used to live in a time where what I did never had repercussions lasting longer than a month. What I do in the next few months, could and would change my life forever. Or it might not. We'll see.

So, the moral of the story is this. Don't think when you don't have to. Think when you need to. Think when you have nothing better to do. Think in the morning when your mind is free and fresh and released from the shakles of your problems of yesterday and problems to come. Think no longer than 40 minutes. Think it is time to stop now.

Questions?

If you somehow knew that you'd die tomorrow, and that you only had one thing that you could do, within your means, what would it be? In cases such as these, you'd usually get a myriad of cliched answers. Some wish to rob a bank, others would like to do something daring like bungee jumping. I've even heard of those who'd drink their life savings away on a night of drunken vice, and well, more drunken vice. Obviously the more pious among us would opt to pray, say our last goodbyes et al.

Think about it. If you had only one thing that you could do, within your means, obviously it'll have to be something significant. Something to be remembered for generations to come. You'd want to leave a mark on this world. You'd wanna feel like you've accomplished something, or that your existance has brought meaning not only to others, but more importantly to yourself. Above all else, you'd wanna exit in peace, not only with nature, and those around you, but with yourself. Or you can choose to exit with a bang. Basically, and I bet everyone would agree, this is the part in all of us that is programmed. No one wants to be forgotten.

Now, the more pertinent question that you'd have to ask yourself, is why is it, that if its within your means now, have you not done it? Why have you opted only to do it upon the knowledge of impending parting of your soul from substance? Why is it so hard to do something that would leave a mark now? Something that could possibly change your life and the people around you. Why wait? Is it because upon death we have nothing to lose? Really, what have we got to lose now, if our intentions/actions are good? What could be so wrong with putting things right now?

Any day could be my last day. Be it 50 hours, 50 days, 50 months, or 50 years from now. Yet I am procrastinating. I don't know when I'm going to die. I hope I'd be able to fulfill my wish before I die.

Brain Drain

Dr. Chua, my dear health minister; you obviously do not have any relatives, friends or acquaintances who study overseas. If not you wouldn't be so surprised right? I mean, you are totally ignorant of the ages-long fact that overseas graduates, after being exposed to life, well, overseas just do not want to come home anymore. Make sure you bring it up to the cabinet. Complain to the weakling fatherly figure, and see what he has to say. Make sure you lament enough in the national papers too. The issue will die down anyway, because mark my words, this isn't the first time such an issue has risen, and very definitely wont be the last.

The brain drain has been going on for ages my dear. The government, and just about every other private company scholarship and MARA had been dilligently sending scholars overseas, only to not even get a whiff of their prized assets 5 years after sending them there. Would you care to hear about how to solve such a problem?

Firstly, that bloody contract that you require every scholar to sign, exercise it the minute you get a chance to. Don't wait 3 years before opening up the file, and another 3 years before you subpoena them. Secondly, hire all those Ah-Longs that you've put in jail. Should the scholars refuse to return, shame their families. Publish their names. Send dead chickens, coffins, red paint their house and send chrysenthemums. Change the clause to disallow staggered payments upon breaking the bond. See which fucking bank would wanna give a loan of RM 1 Million to a fresh graduate. Go after their ramshackled guarantors. Make them pay.

Sounds a little harsh some of you might say, but there is no fucking way I am going to let my hard-earned tax money be used by a bunch of selfish thoughtless traitors to get an education, only not to return to serve their country. Don't like the harsh rules, don't opt for the scholarship then. No one was complaining when they first signed for the PWD scholarship. So why complain when you have to return? Have some gratitude for godsakes. The government/private company/MARA was there for you when your future hung in the balance and your poor-assed parents couldn't afford to pay for your education and the education of your 10 other siblings. What the hell is wrong with sacrificing some of your time in return? Traitor. They should rescind your fucking citizenship. They should treat your entire family like pariahs.

Loyalty in the world today cannot be cultivated anymore. Everyone is a mercenary. Gone are the days when repayment went way beyond monetary debt. I can understand the perks of remaining overseas. I never went overseas to study, but the gold plated grassfields across the sea are very tempting to say the least. But I was once a scholar, and I intend, with all my might to repay what I owe. I may go through some hard times, I may end up doing something I do not even like. I am definitely earning less than those who choose to work elsewhere. But at least, I know that I have done my part. I have no beef with those who go on their own money and decide to stay. That is their own prerogative. Their own money. It's when they waste the people's money that people get mad.

And what about the future? The government should actually make it worthwhile to attract their overseas scholars home. Put together a nice package if they have to. Do what Singapore did, and restore the glory associated with serving the government. Instead of focusing on just corruption, why not make the government a proper, dynamic environment conducive and meeting the expectations of the overseas grads. Retire all those old bastards who refuse to move with the times. Its the only way forward.

What of the gulf between local universities and overseas ones? I'm sure local grads would feel shortchanged if overseas grads were treated better. For starters, it is about time that all local universities reverted back to English as its medium of communication and knowledge dispersion. We all feel nostalgic about BM and its lack of prominence, but English has inadvertantly become the lingua franca. The business, trade, commerce, finance, mathematics, engineering language of choice for the future. Move with the flow, or drown opposing it.

And for fucks sake, do something about our fucking Ringgit. No way is it going to compete with Euros or Dollars or Pound Sterling at the current rate. Forget about boosting exports. All you are doing is making a bunch of conglomerates and chinamen rich. We should no longer aim to compete with the likes of China and India, because truthfully, we can't compete with those prices. Concentrate instead on niche technology, on quality and precise goods. Concentrate on expertise. People pay a lot for expertise.

It's time Malaysians were given a better life. We deserve to buy more from every Ringgit that we have in our hardworking hands. When is everyone going to realize that China goods suck. We deserve better. We deserve more. So what are you going to do about it dear government?

It's Raya Malaysia! Rejoice!

Its Raya, its time for forgiveness. Its time for wiping your slate clean, only to screw around and destroy other people for the rest of the year. Then its back to wiping the slate clean. I love the system. Anyway, along with the tradition of new clothes, new curtains, a haircut and morning forgiveness and prayer, I would like to take this opportunity to seek forgiveness from this world. It is afterall, only appropriate, since I feel that I have stepped on many a toe since the last raya. (Wonder if I will be receiving any forgiveness in return, considering that my toes have also been stepped upon many many times - I've got toes as big as my ankles from all the swelling).

So here it is.

Selamat Hari Raya. Happy Raya. Maaf Zahir Batin. Sorry Inside Out. Dari pangkal rambut, sampai ke kaki. From the tips of my hair, to the edge of my feet.

This is however, only a general apology (I am not begging mind you). If you do not receive one personally from me in the coming days/weeks, this just means that:

a) You have deemed me unworthy of your company - you don't deserve an apology.
b) You don't deserve an apology.
c) I have totally forgot to seek your forgiveness. (Plausible)

So there you have it. Yippie. Raya's here. Oh the mundane things I get to do on raya morning. The same morning that had lost its meaning, more than 10 years ago. We still somehow need it don't we?