Yeah yeah, Just read It.

It's december, and I am in the mood to make some enemies. Actually, not in the mood, but I intend to poke some sensitive buttons anyway.

Warning, if you haven't an open mind, please do not read the following. Having said that, I know I've just inevitably told a 4 year old that he can't have cookies before dinner, right in front of a cookie jar, with my back turned away. It is how I have been perceiving things, but if I see it that way, there's got to be a problem right? Here goes.

You racist bastards. Yeah it's fine to be racist. The minute we pop out of our mother's white/black/yellow/brown bellies, we are racist anyway. We've certainly been brought up that way. Since I could remember, my parents have been reminding me that I am of a certain race, and should act that way. Ever since I could remember, my parents have been telling me to get more friends of a certain race. I am so bloody sure that YOUR parents would be alarmed the minute you've veered towards friends of a certain race. Actually, your parents would have been alarmed if you're non-muslim with many many malay friends, and vice-versa. So, with every action, or inaction, you've become a racist, whether you realize it or not. With every subtle suggestion from your parents, you've inched your way toward racistdome. Take heed in the fact that at least you're being a temple going, mother loving son.

Just because I eat pork, drink alcohol and gamble my savings away doesn't make me a freak. You do not have to treat me like one, just because you've been living in your own little racist/supremist world that you've never seen a malay eat pork/gamble/drink. Just because you think you know malays/muslims do not eat pork, and am automatically sensitive about those issues around malays doesn't make you any smarter than you think you are. In fact, by being sensitive AND assuming that malays do not do any of the above "vices" inevitably makes you a racist fucker. Why? It's all because you're assuming that we do not do any of the above, and do not offer us the opportunity in enjoying any of the above. Who made you special, joe?

Are you so fucking threatened and afraid that you've lost what has made you special in this country? Are you so fucking afraid that by knowing malays who eat pork/drink/gamble, you've lost everything that has made you, you, and have given the malays some sort of invisible advantage? "Fuck, not only do they get all the scholarships and fucking 7% discounts on housing, they have to invade my restaurants as well?".

Imagine this. While you were growing up, you knew you were non-muslim because you ate pork, gambled, drank alcohol and prayed in anything either than a mosque. You identified a malay/muslim by what he ate/drank, and by his uncanny characteristic at being slow and lazy. Most of all, you've identified a malay by how he has gotten around the country just on pure "kulit-fication" (skin-color-qualification for those of you not in the know). You resented all that, but remained blind, because you thought that you had the upper hand by being smarter and being able to do everything a malay can't.

What happened when someone like me comes along is that the status quo changed. Nobody likes it when the status quo changes, because, obviously, those who thought they were superior no longer are. Those who felt that they could do what no other person could do, no longer feels that way when he is joined by those who previously couldn't do it. You're not happy when I am eating at the same table as you in a non-halal restaurant. You just simply loathe it, because I've taken away what was special to you. You resent it so much, that you simply must remind me that I am a malay eating pork/drinking/gambling. You loathe it so much, that you must tell all your other friends that you know a malay who does all of the above. You hate it so much, that you have to make it a point to order pork/beer during meals, just so that you can have the twisted pleasure of showing everyone that this fucker of a malay eats pork and drinks beer. You fucking son of a bitch. You don't even realize that you've made a fool of yourself, AND made your friend look like a circus act.

How uncomfortable do you think I am, having to perform a circus act every single time we eat with other people? How uncomfortable do you think I am, not quite being accepted as a malay because I do not behave like one, yet not being accepted as chinese, because I do not speak the fucking language and was born with a malay name? I do not have to even mention the Indians, because I get funny looks when I walk to an estate to get my todi.

Don't worry, I do not blame you for being the mindless racist/supremist that you are. You've just been brought up that way. It's ok. Just because I am your friend, I do not mind performing circus acts. What I do mind, is that you just think I am a melayu-busuk (rotten malay), instead of just another one of your friends. I've got news my friends, I am not that special anymore, and neither are you. What you can do, I can do. When your parents told you that you're better than the malays and that you have to work harder, they were lying to you. All they wanted was for you to be the same as them, bigots and racists. Of all people, I learned from a racist/supremist bigot, that the job of a parent is not to make his children like him, it is to ensure that his children are better than him. So please be better than your parents. The world is changing, keep up or lose out.

Oh, and being tolerant, is NOT not being racist. It is merely ignoring, and ultimately believing that everyone has a right, to be a supremist/racist. And if ever anyone mentions that being tolerant is the equivalent of integration, so help me God, I will hit you so hard at the back of your head that your neck will be at your forehead and your eyes will be 20 feet away.

p.s. Notice how I use malay/muslim interchangably? It's because our racist government had intended it that way. Look at our fucked up constitution's definition of a Malay. Just so you know, our racist government doesn't refer to a malay government, but refers to a government that INCLUDES chinese and indian ministers and racially segregated parties, all filled with so called "grass-roots" who are hell bent on preventing integration and change. Oddly, the two most guilty parties are UMNO and MCA. To think that we were counting on them.

p.p.s This is a disclaimer. Not all my friends are guilty of the above. Very many, infact, aren't. But if you feel that I am being harsh, then you immediately ARE guilty of the above. Fuck you if you think you're special and above the rest. But I'd still be your friend anyway, if you want to.

Tatts

A friend was blogging recently about getting new tatts. So it got me thinking. I had been wanting to get a new one for quite a while now. At first I thought I had the right design, but now I am not so sure. Any ideas anyone? It's gotta be unique thats for sure. Money, is temporarily, no object. I just want something that would make people go WOAH! in a good way of course.

Beliefs

Have you ever woken up in the morning, thinking you've got your whole life figured out? You used to have all the answers at your fingertips, and everything at your feet. These are the issues that I used to believe otherwise in, but that I cannot continue believing in now.

1. KL public transport does not suck. I used to think that it was unreliable, but truthfully, it was just me that was being unreliable. Busses do come on time, its just that I do not.

2. Nothing is to blame for anything. I am absolutely in control of what I do. I prefer to blame other things and other people, because it puts me as a victim. I like being a victim because I like sympathy.

3. Doing good onto others will eventually lead others to do good unto you. And vice versa. Yes it pays to do good. At the very least, you feel good about yourself.

4. Friends are not everything. True, the good ones are there when you need them, but really, if I don't make an effort, I am a forgotten man. So, I control my friendships don't I? I just have to continue being there don't I? I guess the next question is until when.

5. Parents are to be cherished. Yes. The older you are, the more you'd appreciate them. Really.

6. Friendships do have an expiry date. Especially if the other side refuses to renew it. However, you can renew for both parties right? Can you?

7. Money is abundant. You just have to know when and where to put it. The concept is revolving credit.

If you think about it, theres nothing that you believe in that we can continue believing in, because they are merely beliefs. Something that we thought to be true, but is not. If it were to be true, it'll have to be a fact. It'll have to be true 100% of the time, no matter where you are. Which brings me to another question. Some scientific facts are only true on earth. So can you still call them facts when they aren't true when you're not on earth anymore? So its merely a scientific belief then. Not a scientific fact. See? Beliefs are so easily disproven. What can we believe in anymore? And what of the biggest belief in the world, the belief in God and Religion?

Psychology

If I had another shot at choosing my career path, I think I would have embarked in a career as a bitching column facilitator. You know, like Thelma of the "Dear Thelma" fame.I think I have the talent for it, and most important, I think I understand people. More important than most important, I think I have the great ability of bringing the best, or worst out of people. Yeah, I'm not god, and I don't aim to be, but I think most of the time, I am able to point people in the right direction, or the wrong direction, depending.

Its really interesting how more and more people find solace in speaking to me. Maybe I'm just perasanlah, but it seems to be the case. I may not have the repertoir of VIP clients, but I have something greater than that. I've got friends. People who matter most to me. The people that I care about, who I really want to help.

I am beginning to feel that more than anything else in this world, each of us seek affirmation in our lives. When people pour their hearts out, theres nothing more soothing than words of positive support from another person. Sometimes, we seek not another opinion, but further proof that we are doing the right thing. We seek not to know options, but to know that others take pity in our plights. So, when a person comes with differing opinions, with another view, we do the polite thing of accepting those views, but discarding them for the fact that they are not in sync with our views and actions.

So really, for how long do we want to live in self pity, knowing and wanting more pity from others. For how long do we want to be victims of our own failings? Responsibility in what we do and who we are, for our actions and the repercussions, is empowerment at its greatest. We are not victims of others, merely responsible beings of our actions. It is absolutely difficult to accept that we aren't victims, for we are great at being victims. It's absolutely comfortable, and even better, it brings care, pity and support from your friends.

I know some of the readers of this blog are the people I care about above, who have come to me, for comfort. Truthfully, this is not my way of bitching and scolding you. I do enjoy being in conversation with each and every one of you, and forgive me if I do sound aggressive. All I want, is the best from you and that you all be the best that you can be. I am willing to do anything for you, and am pledging my patience and care for you. Selfishly, this is my way of being your friend. A true friend is one that is there, in good and in bad times, even for 5 minutes, right?

Happy Merdeka!

Oh, almost for forgot to write a paragraph about the current political situation with the "youths". Fucking shit, now I know the reason why they call them BN Youth. FUCKING KIDS. I will not vote for you asswipe diaper whores. Shut the fuck up lah KJ, you man-whore. Who the fuck you whoring for bitch? Who the fuck gave you the license to defend my fucking racial and religious honor? Who appointed you chief asshole and made you mac daddy of all foul mouthed bastards? No one doubted 3 months ago that you'd go places, that you had what it took, that you were a different breed of politician. Now you're just another pile of shit in that fucking cesspool called UMNO. Undeniably Malay, Needs Otak (UMNO).

Oh, and what of MCA Youth? MCA can go suck the elephants cock in Zoo Negara. Trying to be funny by immitating KJ. Yeah baby, why not be a bigger arse? Come on lah. You want progress for "your" people? UMNO youth want progress for "their" people. MIC couldn't give a fuck for "their" people. What the fuck happend to Malaysian? FULLSTOP. Not Malay, not Chinese, not Indian. MALAYSIAN. We are approaching 49 years of independence, yet we are all still slaves of of our damn race, religion and bigotry. All we care about is taking care of our own. No one wants to take care of the greater race, the Malaysian race. Segment and rule. Melayu for Melayu, Cina for Cina, India for India. The colonists are still here, can't you guys see? We are as advanced as we were 49 years ago. We havent progressed one bit. Masyarakat mundur is here to stay. Those who have realized, have gone away, not to safety, just choosing 4 feet of shit as compared to 10 feet of shit back home.

Hope we go to civil war. At least it'll be legitimate for me to kill any person with an irritating voice and an asshole for a mouth. Happy 49th Merdeka. Merdeka! On to the next form of slavery shall we?

Operation Happiness

Extreme loneliness. This I can survive for the 1 week that I have to, but to go through the rest of my life in this state, I would rather go through death. Or life with the wrong wife. Or life full of mistakes. Anything is better, as you can see.

Hence, I have put in place " Operation Happiness". Oh yeah, a name ooozing with creativity. This involves some very radical moves on my part. All I have to do is pray that she bites. Maybe she needs a nudge in the right direction. Maybe I should do nothing, now that the ball is not in my court. Maybe, I should stop saying maybe. Instead, I should be saying, what next.

"She's wayy out of your league dude!"

Well.. well.. well.... (looking for something to say to myself to make myself feel better), Someone once said that if you want to have a normal life, have normal, attainable measurable goals. If you want an extraordinary life, have extraordinary goals, crazy goals. Do I want her? YES I DO. Is it my true intention to at least be within range of goal, YES IT IS. What the fuck am I going to do to realize this? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

Yeslah, clueless.

I'm Back!

I have been, for the longest time, planning a new life. After 2 months of silence in this blog, I am, measurably, only closer to that goal by the sum of the small parts that I have been carrying out. Well, actually, less than the sum of the small parts.

In what has been a whirlwind 2 months of my life, I have managed to move to a new town, buy a car, get a new pair of eyes, "move on" in my career, trim off my undeserving relationships, and slowly move toward building new ones and strengthening the ones that matter most.

In the middle of all this, the one feeling flowing in my veins, is the feeling of loneliness. It's a feeling that I have felt for a long time, but which has been soothed somewhat by clinging on to what I thought I had and what I thought mattered to me. Over time though, I find that I am giving, and receiving in unequal amounts. This matters not for now I think, because there always seems to be more to give than what I need to take. What matters, is the fact that I have no one to give it to. Hope that will change, with some luck, careful choice of words, and very very huge risk taking. I do not have to explain why its make or break when you want to take something further with a friend do I?

More on that, and the rest of my life, in the coming days.

Short Stories.

"Too many issues swirling in my mind. I've wondered if anyone else suffers from drowning in their own thoughts. Gulp gulp, drown."

It's barely a month left before I start a new life again. So many things to do, so many considerations to make. So many plans that I've made, that have to be brought forward and cramped into barely a month. It's overwhelming sometimes, how we have to somehow cope with change. How we have to adapt and move out of our comfort levels. It's always a painful experience, when moving out of one's shell, but we almost always end up better people. It's also funny how most people find it so difficult to move their own cheese, or find it so difficult to accept that someone has moved their cheese.

Changes abound mostly without notice. I think that's what makes it so difficult to accept. Most people want to be prepared for the worse. Some couldn't be bothered and take things as they come. This is yet another defining month in my life. How things go in the next month determines the outcome of at least another year in my life. So much hinges on what I can extract from this month.
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I recently decided to check out some of the available designer skin solutions for men available out there. This after realizing of course, that I've got bad skin and need desperately to do something about it. My ultimate aim is of course, to turn my surface-of-mars-skin into something more akin to the texture of tofu. I want suppleness like those baby's butts in advertisements. *jentik jentik boing boing*. Impossible was the verdict, after some questions to the "consultants". Was really puzzled though, how some of them stare at me as though I'm gay. Really, what can be so wrong with taking care of your skin, your health and your appearance? I think women in general appreciate men who take care of themselves more, no? Learned that the hard way. It was difficult to accept when a girl tells you that she once considered me to be luckier to have her than she is lucky to have me. Felt like a charity case come to think of it. Doubt she feels the same way now though.

I mean, think about it. I doubt any girl will be ashamed to be seen with me, and judging from the many roaming female eyes that check me out, I'm worth a look. But if I put in a little more effort into myself, they'd be oogling and wagging their tongues. Not that they don't wag their tongues now anyway. Only drawback to this is that if I pamper my body with all the products out there, I'm wondering what will happen when I can no longer afford this stuff. Wondering how bad the withdrawal symptoms will be.

Pink shirts are next on the list. LOL.

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I recently went hunting for toy guns with a good friend of mine. We actually went to Carrefour and he bought one of those RM7 toy guns. Wouldn't look out of place in the hands of a 7 year old kid. We somehow think it has something to do with his deprived childhood. More recently though, he complained of the shortcomings of the Made In China contraption. He has stated the need to upgrade to BB guns. At least he's grownup enough to realize that. I am having slight reservations though, mainly because crazy people are dangerous, and who knows what a crazy person with a BB gun can do. I really hope though, that he doesn't give away his calculator.
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Decided that as part of starting a new life, a car is desperately required. So, went to look at the Myvi. I think I'm kinda set on getting one. Never really thought that I'd have to buy a car right now, but since my new life requires a car, there's nothing in particular I can do except oblige. Had to do some calculations as to what I can afford and I've come to a realization that it is no more a mystery how a majority of the population (70%) in Malaysia between the ages of 23-28 do not have any savings. I blame the poor sighted government for this. It has become pretty difficult trying to make ends meet. Now I know, now that I am going to be on my own. But what becomes of my metrosexual lifestyle? Oh no. Dreams shattered.

Open letter to the mufti of Perak and the Ulama council of Malaysia:

Dear revered Sirs,

I am one of those you've sought to help in your report, the ones you have referred to as being eroded of faith. Yes, my faith in my religion has been eroded. Eroded to such an extent not because I am lacking faith in God, but because I am lacking faith in you. Yes, you, appointed wise men of the religion. Needless to say, I am in full belief now that the world is coming to an end, because as I recall in school, one of the signs is that the matters of the religion are handled by those not qualified to do so. Sounds vague and subjective, but I have deemed all of you unqualified to handle matters of the religion. Ye Datuk-Datuk crony sekalian saya berpendapat begitu.

I do understand the need for certain quarters to study the religion more closely, to be at one with the religion, and to look and practice the finer points of the religion. I even understand the fact that its your job as keepers of the religion to protect it from degradation. But I do not understand how you can look so lowly on, not so much us, muslims by choice (up until now), but look so lowly on Islam. How can you not trust that Islam, for all its great points, could be so unattractive to its believers, as to warrant such a recommendation to the government? How then could you make an assumption that what you believe in should be adopted by everyone, by force or otherwise? Have you thought about the fact that your decisions effect not just Muslims, but everyone else in general?

Frankly Datuks, you've nudged me the wrong way. I did not want to be nudged so far off course, but I've had it Datuks. I am not going to live as a prisoner in my own country. I demand freedom of choice, freedom of expression, and freedom to live as I please. Yes, you have been demanding all sorts of things, so I believe I can demand my rights as well as a legitimate citizen of this country. If you wish to charge me in your mock courts, I have told myself that I will quit this religion officially. (I am sorry for saying this dear God, as I still trust you and believe in you, but you have truly put the religious decisions in this country in the wrong hands and I have lost belief in all your religions.)

Do not get me wrong, there will come a time when I will want to follow the path of the conventional muslim. I believe that time would not be long from now truthfully. But until then, do not make me quit my religion. If you really need to know, I am not the only one who feels this way, and its all because of you Datuks.

She's a Brick Isn't She?

Could never figure out what this song is about, but love it to bits.. Damn emo..

BRICK
6 am day after Christmas
I throw some clothes on in the dark
The smell of cold
Car seat is freezing
The world is sleeping
I am numb

Up the stairs to the apartment
She is balled up on the couch
Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte
They're not home to find us out
And we drive
Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

They call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot
Then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

As weeks went by
It showed that she was not fine
They told me son, it's time to tell the truth
She broke down, and I broke down
Cause I was tired of lying

Driving home to her apartment
For a moment we're alone
Yeah she's alone
I'm alone
Now I know it

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

As to why I love it so much? Mainly because I find that it reflects my life. Even if I can't figure it out. We can all relate to it can't we?

God has a Blackberry.

God, oh God, you've gone hightech of late haven't you? I guess this is a sign of keeping up with the times. As a result of your constant blackberry-ing, emailing, and faxing, you've managed to up your Level Of Service quite a bit. We no longer have to wait a million years for our prayers to be answered. It's as though we only have to wait a few hours, or even minutes nowadays for all to come true, or for the sign to come that says we do not deserve what we seek.

Similarly, we do not have to wait a million years before all the bad that we've done will come to haunt us. No longer do we wait generations, for our decendents to be cursing our existence and mistakes in this world. It all happens faster nowadays. It all happens during our lifetime. God, you've sure found a way to make all that goes around to come around.

Wondering now, when you'd be able to zap my spare tire away and beam me a hot girlfriend.

Speaking of which, today June 6th, 2006 (read 6.6.06) is supposed to be significant for all that represents the anti-thesis of God. Happy devil's day? Oh devil my dear, have you got a Blackberry too? Howabout one of them PDA phones? Better be up to date. Lots of corruption, mind fucking and moral destruction to do with the rising number of people in this world. Chop chop.

I've read somewhere though, that for years we have been mistaken by triple sixes representing the devil. According to someone (can't remember his name for the love of God), the hebrew letters representing the devil, which was first thought to be 6, was actually wrongly translated. Instead, it is thought that the hebrew letter should be translated as 'w'. This effectively means that the devil is not '666' but more like, you've guessed it, 'www'. I'm sorry devil, for mocking you for not having a Blackberry. You've devised something far superior. We've all been patronizing the 'www' for quite a while then. In fact, I'm indulging in the devil's work as we speak. And so are you. Yay. We can all go to hell now.

So, even divinity and his enemy have been embracing technology. Wondering then, when god might TT transfer me a kajillion dollars. Wondering too, when the devil might hack my computer, steal my password, and take away my kajillion dollars that god just gave me. Balance. We live on that. We thrive on that.

Are you LOONY?

The mind: A neverending maze of thoughts, memories, knowledge, feelings, emotions and quirkyness. As the cliched and overused saying goes, the mind is a powerful thing. Its ability to trump matter, to rise to the occation, as well as being the source of strength is overwhelming, and at the same time, often understated.

It's so powerful, that all times, its not the thought of how powerful it can be that scares most, but more the thought of how powerless it can become, that will. To most of us, while the quest for greater minds preoccupies many, it is the study of the powerless mind that intrigues many.

I often fear the day, not when my mind doesn't reach its potential, but when my mind loses its sanity. I fear the day I'd have no control of my thoughts and actions, no control of my maze. I fear, that without control of my mind, that I am destructive, both to myself, and to my surroundings.

You can never blame a madman, so the saying goes. But its somehow inconceivable, but probable that a sane person could act as a madman, just so that he or she could have his way. It could be possible, that the unsound mind, either by conscious effort or otherwise, could plot, and execute something like that. It's so crazy to pull something like that, that its genius. Especially since the doctors have advised those around you to leave you to your own devices, owing to your unstable mind.

In a way, we're all insane. In a way, we're all mentally ill, with our own mental conditions. In a way, we deserve to be in the loony bin. Yet, for most of us, its the same mind that shows strength to overcome trauma. In most of us, its the mind that could potentially go wrong, that goes right, and rises to the occation. For most of us though, we cannot predict, when, if ever, our mind will fail on us. God Forbid.

The future is Today?

When it comes to the subject of love, there are more than ample amounts of people out there who profess to be all knowing about love. There are those who claim to have been there, done that, and have been into as many relationships, as there are water droplets in the ocean.

Knowing however, and experiencing, are never enough. For each and every person out there would have distinct differences, and to each and every couple, their own unique problems and issues. Sure, they may seem to have similar loose boundaries, but it is never altogether the same. Never. Ever.

What is definitely certain though, is that love brings us all to do crazy things. Love, when coupled with lust, is like fire creeping towards a tank of gasoline. Crazy concoction. My question today, is that can we live without love? Can we live without sparks and flames, without passion and feelings?

The main qualities of a successful marriage, is not love, as advocated by countless movies and serials, but hardwork, sacrifice, understanding, responsibility, reliability and working as a team. Each of these words, brings a sense of maturity. Each of these words, undermines and negates the concept of love. So, in choosing your partner, is it safe to say that first, you must look at maturity, then only to look at love? Not quite either.

Attraction, which is a small subset of love, is built upon the pretext of two people wanting to get to know one another better. It is impossible then, to find a partner able and willing to fulfill all those words, without first having attraction and love. What about match making? Match making overrides the concept of attraction, as a force of bringing two people together, but not as a force of keeping two people together.

Anyway, just incase anyone is wondering as to why dating is so different from marriage, well, the answer is in the above. That the qualities of maintaining a relationship are far far different from the qualities of maintaining a marriage. I feel then, that its better to prepare myself for marriage, then to market myself as a person to date. Hence probably the reason why I don't quite give a rats ass about dating anymore. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't then, theres always life with all those words, but without anyone to share it with to look forward to. Women my age, look for a different type of guy from me, because they do not think past a couple of years. Hence getting stuck, and marriage to possibly the wrong type of guy, having to work doubly hard at marriage.

Who needs to think about the future right? Not when theres enough to think about in the present. Not when all there is to a relationship is feelings and love and lust and thinking nonstop about a person. No one shares as distinct a vision of the future and what it holds as I do. No one puts as much preparation in the present, for the future to come. No one neglects the present as I do. And its only because, every minute that comes by, is already bringing the future to the present. So, do we really need to be in love, when love is not quite needed in the future?

Ten Things About Bangkok

Ten things I learned about Bangkok (in no particular order of importance):

1. You never really notice this, but there are really a lot more women then men. You do not see that many couples too. Maybe all the men are in monastaries fantasizing about zen.

2. The best way to see Bangkok is with an escort clinging to one arm and beer on the other.

3. Thai women are beautiful, but very very many are flat chested. You do find yourself however, staring at the korean/japanese tourists :P

4. Patphong is overrated.

5. Siam Paragon is a masterpiece. Interior designers for KL shopping malls, eat your heart out. You'd orgasm if you're into interior design.

6. Bangkok = Sin City. There is no limit. Thai girls are adventurous. Really adventurous.

7. Get yourself a Thai traditional massage. Its quite good. Or you can go for something more advanced.

8. You can fit 5 guys in a tuk tuk. If you've been in one, you'd understand.

9. The next time I go, I wanna bring RM5000. And stay in a luxury hotel. And hire an escort for 4 days (and the corresponding nights of course). Wonder if there are any out there who can speak really good english. As in american standard english.

10. We are definitely making another trip. See number 9. muahahha.

3 Pieces of Paper.

3 pieces of paper from my trip to Thailand.

Disclaimer!: This was done in true curiosity form, and does not/will never in any way reflect my religious beliefs or disbeliefs.

1st piece: Chinese chinese chinese. Didn't understand a word of it. Gave it to two friends who could read chinese, and they both couldn't decipher its contents.

2nd piece: And I quote:
"Just like an unmated dove, life seems cheerless and sorrowful. No one pays attention. Suffer lonesome living in the forest. Good forture is not in sight. Lose favor with friends and relatives. Beyond this year, long happiness approaches. Legal case is not defensible. Wait for favorable circumstances before making decisions. Better not rush." - Commercial Translator - Wat Yai Chai Mongkol, Ayudhaya, Thailand.

3rd piece: And I quote (again):
"Just like a flower, blooming under the angry sun, but manages to look fresh. Like a little bird learning to fly in a strong wind, falls down to the ground. Life would be enjoyable in the future. Patient recovering. Not likely to find a good mate at this stage. Legal case not favorable. Some good lucks exist. Despite some hardships at present, would be better not too long. - Another Commercial Translator - Lucky Temple, Bangkok, Thailand.

Apparently, being philosophical involves animals and flowers in hardship. And oddly, even legal cases. Quite accurate I might add. Depressing stuff, really.

To those in the know, you'd know how I got those pieces of paper. To those who don't know, well, you're better off finding out how to get your own pieces of paper. Will blog about Thailand when I'm not to stoned.

The Vision

As I sit here listening to "Girls Aloud" (I realize how stupid that sounds, but imagining 5 hot girls prancing around is reason enough to like their brand of bubblegum pop), I can't help but think of what to write. I guess it takes quite a bit to write about politics and policies, and in the current state of health that I'm in, that's the last thing I'm getting my blood boiling over for.

So, after much thought, I've decided to write about the future. We all have to ask ourselves what we're doing in this world, and what purpose do we carry, gracing this earth? I'm pretty sure that personal happiness is in everyone's minds, and I'm damn sure that most people can't think much further than monetary needs, but there must be an ultimate reason as to why you and I are even breathing air right now. There is of course, a reason why most people can't think further than monetary needs, and thats because most people find it that much more difficult nowadays to make ends meet. Brilliantly, some bloke put it in the following words:

"Just as we are learning to make ends meet, they move the ends." Government's fault, this one.

But I'm digressing. The point that I'm trying to make is that we all have to have a vision for ourselves, and in the bigger sense, our environment that we live in. And in achieving that vision or dream, we have to think of what we would want to do, and how we are going to achieve that dream. Question is, in the kind of life that we are living now, what's yours?

Somewhere in the future, I want to be a teacher. No, not because I have to (to make ends meet) but because I want to. We all know of the graduation of thinking, where you graduate in thinking as you move from Kindergarden, to Primary school, to secondary school, to college, to work. Most critical of these graduations are the early years of secondary school, or the early years of college/late years of secondary school. So theres my target. To influence and shape the minds of these young adults. I'm just about tired of complaining about Malaysian mentality, and the dumb government. Thats my plan. Influence them from young, even if its only a bunch of students of the 500,000 that graduate from secondary school every year. Even if its only one school of the thousands in Malaysia.

I'd like to die not just happily, but to die with a sense of accomplishment. Knowing that I've actually done something for the country and the community that I live in. Its not just about your own wellbeing and happiness, but about how your community is keeping up with life. Life is not just about you afterall isn't it? You're probably wondering how the words above could come from someone who likes "Girls Aloud" just because theyre hot. Well, there's your first lesson.

PDAs (no, not the electronic handheld device)

Dear Nazri (don't deserve to be called Dato' since you're a fucking moron),

Why are you the only minister to come up with dumb comments all the time (Kelantan's Chief Minister doesn't count.)? Who are you to tell me what I deem to be morally acceptable? Are you going to be forever delusional, living in your little world of what is orientally right and wrong? Remember the last time you made some dumb comments about the family bill that was tabled in parliament? What kind of a statement were you trying to make when you said "Just pass the bill, we will amend it later"? Wonder which ass you licked to make minister? Moron. Now that you left the fucking CVLB in the dumps, you'd wanna move on to destroying another portfolio? Asshole. Thanking God my MP is not as titanically moronic as this you.

Back to the gist of it all. In the obviously expanding, developing society that we live in, different people are entitled to different views on just about anything out there. The essence of democracy, as I have been made to understand, is all about choices. The freedom to not only be able to have different thoughts, but also to be able to freely exercise those thoughts. Though I may be an obvious proponent of the PDA, I am definitely aware that not everyone out there is able to stomach full out and out PDA.

There are, I admit, many out there, not just the old prudes (here I go being judgemental), but young people like you and me, who think that displays of affection should be left to the privacy of the house. But really, are we getting to the bottom of this problem, or are we merely drafting more stupid laws and bylaws, just in the name of upholding what is supposedly right in religion and morality?

"Culprits" of PDA are mainly young couples. Couples with no place to go, except shopping malls and parks. Couples who, obviously, do not have the privacy of a house to conduct their little experiments in affection. Really, the only obvious solution, is to be "affectionate" when they are together. Plus, this is much cheaper than renting a hotel room. Less costly as well, if you're a muslim and do not want to get caught by 4 perverts working for the religious department. So, do you blame them for being affectionate in public?

Then theres the law itself. Obviously, displays of affection are very subjective. What I would deem as acceptable is obviously different than that of that moronic minister of ours. Something obviously as subjective as this, is therefore open and subject to abuse by those wielding the power to exercise those laws. If at all, there should be a law, (in the name of whatever), there should be strict, and very specific guidelines. For instance, if I were to give a peck on the cheek to my mother in public, would I be liable to the same law as a couple frenching? If I were to hug my wife in public (purely hypothetical since I'm not married yet), would I be liable to the same fine as if I were to heavily pet her? See the point?

Obviously a balance has to be struck somewhere in between. If the conservatives were to have their way, there would be no contact whatsoever. If I were to have my way, I'd stare, but I'd definitely tolerate even sex in public. But really, we have to look at the objectives we are trying to achieve, before subjecting the public to further duress. We must ask ourselves, as sensible, morally upright adults, of what is truly acceptable not only to us, but our children as well. We must teach our children on the differences between maliscious/sleazy gestures, and true loving gestures. I don't know about the rest of the population, but I cannot help but smile when I see a loving old couple, still in each others arms, with the husband giving his wife a peck in the cheek. I've seen it many times here, just as I've witnessed sex in the bushes and in back alleys.

You don't have to believe in it, but to accept it and come to terms with it. If its the children you are worried about, isn't it your duty not to censor, but to teach the difference between right and wrong, about love and lust, and about being smart and being an absolute moron?

I Can Predict The Future. I can.

The greatest gift a human being could have, is the gift of foresight. The gift of being able to predict, not just with accuracy, but to predict far enough into the future to make a difference. Foresight comes not just from assembling the jigsaw puzzle that make up the events of life, but also through accurately analyzing human behavior.

Sure, there could be a million different reasons and aspects that make events in our lives. However, its the way one reacts to those events that make the difference. Really, if I could choose again what I would like to do in university that would make me no money what so ever, its got to be anthropology or to be more specific, cultural anthropology.

I enjoy observing people. I enjoy behavior differences. I enjoy picking out the little things that are so distinct in everyone it becomes a trademark. Most importantly, i enjoy spotting small, discreet body language that tell loads about a person. In doing so as well, without realizing it, I end up giving out very clear signals myself. This is probably due to the fact that I know some people are daft, and that they need clearer signs. It's true.

Somewhere in reading a person, I admit that I do get carried away. Most of the time, I read too much into a persons actions that as a consequence, I end up daydreaming very elaborate and complicated results of those actions. Most of the time, they don't come true. Sometimes, very rarely, they do.

Yesterday, while being preoccupied with the thoughts of an upcoming event, I envisioned, for a brief moment that the event wouldn't happen due to a very specific reason. Today, had passed, and I thought right. Scary how my mind comes up with little warnings about the future. Funny though, how I end up thinking the whole day as to why it didn't happen, why didn't it happen because of that reason, and what is the consequence of the event not happening. Lastly, tiring how my mind keeps thinking of what to do next, and whether I am reading the situation correctly.

I hate being right when I think about bad things happening. But that's how I operate. I think of the worse case scenario and take precautions. When nothing goes wrong, I start thinking that something will go wrong. I'm such a pessimist. But at least I am prepared for the worst. Not quite sure if I'm prepared for the best though. Haven't felt that for a longg time.

Problem Problem Problem

Problem statement: Implementing effective ways of getting an older woman to go out with you.

Mission: Not to to turn her off totally, to the extent of a lost friendship.

Steps: I am stumped. Been on my mind for the past week.

Thoughts: Damn, how do I do this? I've forgotten how to play the field. Yeah, I'm a great buaya, everyone knows that, but how do I position myself? *thinking for too long* Where are the days of bravery beyond the limited capabalities of rapidly shrinking balls? Fuck it. Why not.

State of The Life Address

Nothing has changed much in this weary life of mine.

On to other matters. Firstly, the caricatures on the Prophet. I've seen them. To anyone wishing to see them, but is far too lazy to scour the net for them, send a personal note to me, and I might consider emailing it to you. Hope I do not get caught. As I understand it, our bigot of a government could want to put me in jail for "distribution of blasphemous material". Screw them. Every muslim, muslim wannabe or just about everyone else has a right to know what exactly is being debated about here.

My reactions to the entire debacle? Deplorable on both sides. Idiotic even. To intergalactical trans-planetary proportions. Really idiotic of a bunch of editors to be publishing cartoons (none of them funny as is being claimed) in the name of "freedome of speech". Double standard bastards. Try publishing funny cartoons of the holocaust, morons. Or how about cartoons of Moses hallucinating when receiving the 10 commandments? (How could he not be, for all you know, he was high on cocaine on that mountain *sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm* Don't burn my embassy for that statement.)

Moving on nicely then. Fucking useless bastards calling themselves muslims. This is why I now refuse to be associated with muslims. Narrow minded asses supposedly willing to die defending the Prophet's honour. Cowardly bastards couldn't even defend Palestine when the Israeli soldiers began occupation in 1965. Ran helter skelter leaving behind boots, ammunition and even their underwear behind. Way to go picking on some minimal security embassies to torch down. Thats right, send the right message across. I'm muslim, I'm a fucking violent terrorist, and I like burning embassies. Serve you right for dying in those protests. You're fucking going to hell for that. No where in any religion does it even mention that violence be tolerated if the intentions were right. Right intentions does not ever warrant an evil deed. That goes for both sides.

Think about it for a second before you flame me for making such comments. There is a reason why foreigners, who have no connection to Islam, have such thoughts and views of Islam in this world. There's a reason why they would dare draw a bomb on the Prophet's head. The religion itself has been tarnished by a select few, supposedly fighting in defence of the religion. That we have deeper underlying issues at stake here. In the world, and especially in Malaysia, Muslims, in the name of religious observence is fast disassociating themselves from the other religions and in Malaysia's case, other races due to that fucking stupid constitutional definition of what a Malay is in Malaysia. Everywhere you go, preachers are preaching about creating an identity for muslims. About not embracing western cultures and influence. About staying true to the religion.

But all this contradicts itself in 2 full sentences. In creating an "image" of a muslim, we are, at a rather disturbing rate, blindly adopting ancient arab culture. Wearing of the robe, covering of the head, Bahasa Malaysia adapted to arabic tunes. That we are shunning one foreign influence for another is not exactly being truthful to oneself is it? Isn't it intriguing that if not for the religion sprouting in the Arabian peninsula, we would not be following arabian influence? Wouldn't it be even more intriguing if lets say, Islam sprouted in Europe instead. Would we then be following European trends and cultures instead?

Personally, I feel that it would do the religion more good if we assimilated into the various cultures in this world. We do NOT have to look the same, think the same and be the same everywhere around the world. This goes back to the notion of individual freedome. Something which is dear to me, and something which has not been given much thought. I keep on thinking of what the religious teacher in school said. "There is no forcing in Islam" ("Tiada paksaan dalam Islam"). Such simple words, but unfortunately interpreted as "There is no forcing others to join Islam. BUT there is forcing muslims to heed to the teachings."

Who gave anyone the right to interpret it that way? I feel like floating away.

The Balance

Human relationships are fragile little things. Attrociously difficult to maintain, yet we all need adequate amounts of it in our lives. Top of the pile in the balance of relationships, is trust. The breaking of trust, which is at the bottom of the pile, is called betrayal. More often than not, building trust with someone else, results in betrayal to another. Provided the interelation of course.

Take my parents for instance. I do not envy being in their position. The reason being, that to build trust with one of their children, would result in betrayal to another. And if you even attempt at seperately building trust, spending too much time with one child will kill your chances with the other.

Face it, in conflicts, you have to take sides, even if you are deemed to be neutral. In a parenting crisis, taking sides results in a victor, and the vanquished. In the court of law, though the judge is deemed to be neutral, he or she is taking the side of the law, and more often than not, passes judgement based on social norms/personal prejudice/maybe the law, everytime all three, rarely only the last reason.

Trust and betrayal go hand in hand like day and night. One cannot achieve its desired effect, without the opposite being there, in equal or more amounts, contrary to Newton's now flawed third law. We must admit, that there'd be no worse feeling in this world, than the feeling of being betrayed. That all the trust you have put in someone, amounted to nothing in the end. That failure be the only result of all your hopes.

I find it fitting though, that betrayal always has a way of biting you in the ass. That one day, you'd have to depend on that person you once betrayed for help. That that person, depending on the individual, might, or might not be there to pull you out. As for me, I may be acting as though nothing has happened, but trust me, I do not forget.

My Sister the...

We have become quite accustomed to her being nocturnal. For a person who lives under the same roof, the only proof of her existance lies not in seeing her, but in hearing the sounds she makes. No one knows what she looks like anymore, and sure as hell, no one knows what the hell she's been up to.

That is, until today. All it took was a rainy day, a curious father, and a son thrown into the mixture. Here's how everything went.

(It was raining heavily, thunder blasting in the background)

Father: Where are you going? It's raining.
Daughter: I'm going to work.
Father: Where?
Daughter: Bukit Bintang.

(Son is pretending not to care, as he contemplates how to show he doesn't care, while in hearing distance of the juicy conversation)

Father: Are you working in a Bar? Pub?
Daughter: *Shirks*.
Son: *HUGE SMIRK ON HIS FACE*

It all makes sense now. She goes off at 830 pm, returns by 400 am according to my father. That's bar/karaoke/pub time people. Fuck, now I've got some serious thinking to do. IF my sister is a GRO/waitress/whatever, in one of those dodgy clubs/bars/pubs/ktv lounges in Bukit Bintang, she is, theoretically, a spy. Why, because I might frequent ANY of those places. If I drink, she knows. If I'm "naughty", she definitely knows. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The last thing I would wanna do is find myself drunk in a place, snogging my own sister! How fucking gross can that be. Oh, but think of the advantages. IF she is truly a GRO, that would mean that she would be in the company of other GRO's. Pretty pretty horny fun GRO's from all over the world (PRC mostly I think). Plus, she might have some dirt on some horny old Datuk. Or, she could rise up the GRO ladder and become a mamasan. Hmm. Maybe it's time to be nice to her again.