Open letter to the mufti of Perak and the Ulama council of Malaysia:

Dear revered Sirs,

I am one of those you've sought to help in your report, the ones you have referred to as being eroded of faith. Yes, my faith in my religion has been eroded. Eroded to such an extent not because I am lacking faith in God, but because I am lacking faith in you. Yes, you, appointed wise men of the religion. Needless to say, I am in full belief now that the world is coming to an end, because as I recall in school, one of the signs is that the matters of the religion are handled by those not qualified to do so. Sounds vague and subjective, but I have deemed all of you unqualified to handle matters of the religion. Ye Datuk-Datuk crony sekalian saya berpendapat begitu.

I do understand the need for certain quarters to study the religion more closely, to be at one with the religion, and to look and practice the finer points of the religion. I even understand the fact that its your job as keepers of the religion to protect it from degradation. But I do not understand how you can look so lowly on, not so much us, muslims by choice (up until now), but look so lowly on Islam. How can you not trust that Islam, for all its great points, could be so unattractive to its believers, as to warrant such a recommendation to the government? How then could you make an assumption that what you believe in should be adopted by everyone, by force or otherwise? Have you thought about the fact that your decisions effect not just Muslims, but everyone else in general?

Frankly Datuks, you've nudged me the wrong way. I did not want to be nudged so far off course, but I've had it Datuks. I am not going to live as a prisoner in my own country. I demand freedom of choice, freedom of expression, and freedom to live as I please. Yes, you have been demanding all sorts of things, so I believe I can demand my rights as well as a legitimate citizen of this country. If you wish to charge me in your mock courts, I have told myself that I will quit this religion officially. (I am sorry for saying this dear God, as I still trust you and believe in you, but you have truly put the religious decisions in this country in the wrong hands and I have lost belief in all your religions.)

Do not get me wrong, there will come a time when I will want to follow the path of the conventional muslim. I believe that time would not be long from now truthfully. But until then, do not make me quit my religion. If you really need to know, I am not the only one who feels this way, and its all because of you Datuks.

She's a Brick Isn't She?

Could never figure out what this song is about, but love it to bits.. Damn emo..

BRICK
6 am day after Christmas
I throw some clothes on in the dark
The smell of cold
Car seat is freezing
The world is sleeping
I am numb

Up the stairs to the apartment
She is balled up on the couch
Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte
They're not home to find us out
And we drive
Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

They call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot
Then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

As weeks went by
It showed that she was not fine
They told me son, it's time to tell the truth
She broke down, and I broke down
Cause I was tired of lying

Driving home to her apartment
For a moment we're alone
Yeah she's alone
I'm alone
Now I know it

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

As to why I love it so much? Mainly because I find that it reflects my life. Even if I can't figure it out. We can all relate to it can't we?

God has a Blackberry.

God, oh God, you've gone hightech of late haven't you? I guess this is a sign of keeping up with the times. As a result of your constant blackberry-ing, emailing, and faxing, you've managed to up your Level Of Service quite a bit. We no longer have to wait a million years for our prayers to be answered. It's as though we only have to wait a few hours, or even minutes nowadays for all to come true, or for the sign to come that says we do not deserve what we seek.

Similarly, we do not have to wait a million years before all the bad that we've done will come to haunt us. No longer do we wait generations, for our decendents to be cursing our existence and mistakes in this world. It all happens faster nowadays. It all happens during our lifetime. God, you've sure found a way to make all that goes around to come around.

Wondering now, when you'd be able to zap my spare tire away and beam me a hot girlfriend.

Speaking of which, today June 6th, 2006 (read 6.6.06) is supposed to be significant for all that represents the anti-thesis of God. Happy devil's day? Oh devil my dear, have you got a Blackberry too? Howabout one of them PDA phones? Better be up to date. Lots of corruption, mind fucking and moral destruction to do with the rising number of people in this world. Chop chop.

I've read somewhere though, that for years we have been mistaken by triple sixes representing the devil. According to someone (can't remember his name for the love of God), the hebrew letters representing the devil, which was first thought to be 6, was actually wrongly translated. Instead, it is thought that the hebrew letter should be translated as 'w'. This effectively means that the devil is not '666' but more like, you've guessed it, 'www'. I'm sorry devil, for mocking you for not having a Blackberry. You've devised something far superior. We've all been patronizing the 'www' for quite a while then. In fact, I'm indulging in the devil's work as we speak. And so are you. Yay. We can all go to hell now.

So, even divinity and his enemy have been embracing technology. Wondering then, when god might TT transfer me a kajillion dollars. Wondering too, when the devil might hack my computer, steal my password, and take away my kajillion dollars that god just gave me. Balance. We live on that. We thrive on that.

Are you LOONY?

The mind: A neverending maze of thoughts, memories, knowledge, feelings, emotions and quirkyness. As the cliched and overused saying goes, the mind is a powerful thing. Its ability to trump matter, to rise to the occation, as well as being the source of strength is overwhelming, and at the same time, often understated.

It's so powerful, that all times, its not the thought of how powerful it can be that scares most, but more the thought of how powerless it can become, that will. To most of us, while the quest for greater minds preoccupies many, it is the study of the powerless mind that intrigues many.

I often fear the day, not when my mind doesn't reach its potential, but when my mind loses its sanity. I fear the day I'd have no control of my thoughts and actions, no control of my maze. I fear, that without control of my mind, that I am destructive, both to myself, and to my surroundings.

You can never blame a madman, so the saying goes. But its somehow inconceivable, but probable that a sane person could act as a madman, just so that he or she could have his way. It could be possible, that the unsound mind, either by conscious effort or otherwise, could plot, and execute something like that. It's so crazy to pull something like that, that its genius. Especially since the doctors have advised those around you to leave you to your own devices, owing to your unstable mind.

In a way, we're all insane. In a way, we're all mentally ill, with our own mental conditions. In a way, we deserve to be in the loony bin. Yet, for most of us, its the same mind that shows strength to overcome trauma. In most of us, its the mind that could potentially go wrong, that goes right, and rises to the occation. For most of us though, we cannot predict, when, if ever, our mind will fail on us. God Forbid.