Psychology

If I had another shot at choosing my career path, I think I would have embarked in a career as a bitching column facilitator. You know, like Thelma of the "Dear Thelma" fame.I think I have the talent for it, and most important, I think I understand people. More important than most important, I think I have the great ability of bringing the best, or worst out of people. Yeah, I'm not god, and I don't aim to be, but I think most of the time, I am able to point people in the right direction, or the wrong direction, depending.

Its really interesting how more and more people find solace in speaking to me. Maybe I'm just perasanlah, but it seems to be the case. I may not have the repertoir of VIP clients, but I have something greater than that. I've got friends. People who matter most to me. The people that I care about, who I really want to help.

I am beginning to feel that more than anything else in this world, each of us seek affirmation in our lives. When people pour their hearts out, theres nothing more soothing than words of positive support from another person. Sometimes, we seek not another opinion, but further proof that we are doing the right thing. We seek not to know options, but to know that others take pity in our plights. So, when a person comes with differing opinions, with another view, we do the polite thing of accepting those views, but discarding them for the fact that they are not in sync with our views and actions.

So really, for how long do we want to live in self pity, knowing and wanting more pity from others. For how long do we want to be victims of our own failings? Responsibility in what we do and who we are, for our actions and the repercussions, is empowerment at its greatest. We are not victims of others, merely responsible beings of our actions. It is absolutely difficult to accept that we aren't victims, for we are great at being victims. It's absolutely comfortable, and even better, it brings care, pity and support from your friends.

I know some of the readers of this blog are the people I care about above, who have come to me, for comfort. Truthfully, this is not my way of bitching and scolding you. I do enjoy being in conversation with each and every one of you, and forgive me if I do sound aggressive. All I want, is the best from you and that you all be the best that you can be. I am willing to do anything for you, and am pledging my patience and care for you. Selfishly, this is my way of being your friend. A true friend is one that is there, in good and in bad times, even for 5 minutes, right?

Happy Merdeka!

Oh, almost for forgot to write a paragraph about the current political situation with the "youths". Fucking shit, now I know the reason why they call them BN Youth. FUCKING KIDS. I will not vote for you asswipe diaper whores. Shut the fuck up lah KJ, you man-whore. Who the fuck you whoring for bitch? Who the fuck gave you the license to defend my fucking racial and religious honor? Who appointed you chief asshole and made you mac daddy of all foul mouthed bastards? No one doubted 3 months ago that you'd go places, that you had what it took, that you were a different breed of politician. Now you're just another pile of shit in that fucking cesspool called UMNO. Undeniably Malay, Needs Otak (UMNO).

Oh, and what of MCA Youth? MCA can go suck the elephants cock in Zoo Negara. Trying to be funny by immitating KJ. Yeah baby, why not be a bigger arse? Come on lah. You want progress for "your" people? UMNO youth want progress for "their" people. MIC couldn't give a fuck for "their" people. What the fuck happend to Malaysian? FULLSTOP. Not Malay, not Chinese, not Indian. MALAYSIAN. We are approaching 49 years of independence, yet we are all still slaves of of our damn race, religion and bigotry. All we care about is taking care of our own. No one wants to take care of the greater race, the Malaysian race. Segment and rule. Melayu for Melayu, Cina for Cina, India for India. The colonists are still here, can't you guys see? We are as advanced as we were 49 years ago. We havent progressed one bit. Masyarakat mundur is here to stay. Those who have realized, have gone away, not to safety, just choosing 4 feet of shit as compared to 10 feet of shit back home.

Hope we go to civil war. At least it'll be legitimate for me to kill any person with an irritating voice and an asshole for a mouth. Happy 49th Merdeka. Merdeka! On to the next form of slavery shall we?

Operation Happiness

Extreme loneliness. This I can survive for the 1 week that I have to, but to go through the rest of my life in this state, I would rather go through death. Or life with the wrong wife. Or life full of mistakes. Anything is better, as you can see.

Hence, I have put in place " Operation Happiness". Oh yeah, a name ooozing with creativity. This involves some very radical moves on my part. All I have to do is pray that she bites. Maybe she needs a nudge in the right direction. Maybe I should do nothing, now that the ball is not in my court. Maybe, I should stop saying maybe. Instead, I should be saying, what next.

"She's wayy out of your league dude!"

Well.. well.. well.... (looking for something to say to myself to make myself feel better), Someone once said that if you want to have a normal life, have normal, attainable measurable goals. If you want an extraordinary life, have extraordinary goals, crazy goals. Do I want her? YES I DO. Is it my true intention to at least be within range of goal, YES IT IS. What the fuck am I going to do to realize this? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

Yeslah, clueless.

I'm Back!

I have been, for the longest time, planning a new life. After 2 months of silence in this blog, I am, measurably, only closer to that goal by the sum of the small parts that I have been carrying out. Well, actually, less than the sum of the small parts.

In what has been a whirlwind 2 months of my life, I have managed to move to a new town, buy a car, get a new pair of eyes, "move on" in my career, trim off my undeserving relationships, and slowly move toward building new ones and strengthening the ones that matter most.

In the middle of all this, the one feeling flowing in my veins, is the feeling of loneliness. It's a feeling that I have felt for a long time, but which has been soothed somewhat by clinging on to what I thought I had and what I thought mattered to me. Over time though, I find that I am giving, and receiving in unequal amounts. This matters not for now I think, because there always seems to be more to give than what I need to take. What matters, is the fact that I have no one to give it to. Hope that will change, with some luck, careful choice of words, and very very huge risk taking. I do not have to explain why its make or break when you want to take something further with a friend do I?

More on that, and the rest of my life, in the coming days.