Wednesday, October 12, 2005


Stumped by past forlorn
by hell be gone,
by heaven's scorn
The middle is where I stand,
the drifter I've become,
Where is my guiding hand?
Why was I abandoned?

And when that wall hits you
What would you do? What should I do?
And when she steps all over you
Do you see it through?
I dont want me to..

Its all a farce,
this life's routine,
No one can save me,
As the Silver Lining chokes,
As the optimism drowns
As the hope sedates,

Your presence is scarce,
All too familiar this place Ive been,
Open my eyes to see,
I will rebuild my spokes,
With happiness and sounds
Faraway from that fate.

And when that wall hits you
What would you do? What should I do?
And when she steps all over you
Do you see it through?
I dont want me to..

Where is my desire?
Why am I still here?
What do I do Sir?
How does it all end for her?
When will it start for sure?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

It's Fasting Month!

What is a free-loving, alcohol trotting, pork gobbling "muslim" like me doing fasting, I've heard many people ask me. Truthfully, fasting IS a pain in the arse. I mean, what's to like about it? You dont get to drink, eat, cuss, fuck, wank, hear bad things nor even think it. It's supposed to teach patience, sacrifice, observance to divine law and subject yourself as the ultimate slave/servant of God. But really, what is the point, if the other 11 months of the year, you're a fucker, even if you're a Saint for 1 month (this encourages hypocritism). And really, if you are a Saint for 12 months of the year, you'd be lying through the pores of your clenching anus, because even Saints are not Saints 12 months of the year.

Somewhere in religion, individualism is lost. Somewhere in the interpretation of religion, the interpretation is lost. That is what I basically don't agree about it. I do not see their right on imposing their beliefs on others. Neither do I see their right to save me from damnation, or make me follow the supposed right path. I especially don't see their right in meddling in how I choose to carry myself and live my life, even if all they do is stare in their "disappointment". Believe me, I am not talking just about muslims.

See how everything is becoming stiffling? Most of us don't do something because we wholly believe in it. We do it because if we don't someone will be condemning us or would be very disappointed in us. Its as though, if you observe religion, you're a better person than a free thinker or a sun worshipper who does believe in God, but does not have any preference for religion.

Back to me. I don't know. I really have no clue. I guess the best explanation of this is that I do it out of habit. I was brought up in observance of Islamic law in all its glory and flaws. When my parents told me to pray, I'd pray. In religious class, I was the class pet. Though my knowledge of Islam may be based on the rather scholastic Jabatan Pendidikan curriculum, I'd say that even that is rather a lot of knowledge. Somewhere deep inside me, I do want to be a good muslim. By this I mean the "good"muslim in the eyes of conventionalism. The problem with this is that I don't want to be a "good" muslim now. I'd prefer to be given the freedom and opportunity to pursue what I deem is acceptable, not what society and a few men in headgear and robes think acceptable. Religion to me, is a very personal relationship between you and your creator. The whole point of it is to maintain that relationship, which ever way you want to do it. It shouldn't matter that another method be preferred to your method.

Truthfully, I do not think a lot seperates me from the good muslim, either than the fact that the good muslim probably devotes more time to religion. Even then, you get people who devote plenty to religion, and still act like bastards, condemning all that is "wrong" in his/her skewed eyes. There are even bigger bastards that block roads and refuse to move their vehicle in the name of reverence to God. I've come to believe most muslims oppose the war against Iraq just because Iraq is a "muslim" country, and that the invading forces are "kafir laknat" (infidels). In other words, they would not care less if Iraq was replaced with, say, Israel. In fact, they'd be extremely delighted if it were Israel. What happened to the notion of opposing a war because wars bring death, destruction and suffering?

Tomorrow, fasting month starts. I am not looking forward to it. But I have to. I just hopes that somehow, it's beneficial to me. I don't want promises of eternal gratitude in heaven. I do this because it's become a habit. I do this because I believe in its benefits. I do this for my own ulterior motives. I do this because I want to.


P.S. To the fucking M.P's bickering in Parliament about some dumb A.P list that contains your fucking names. I did not vote you mother fuckers to debate on whether a portly bitch that double-crossed you by releasing that list should be referred to some dumb committee. Frankly, I couldn't even be bothered as to why some Bumi fucker gets more A.P.'s than the next Bumi fucker. I especially did not vote you to protect a fucking failure of a national car company just because its a national car company. I voted you so that you could take care of the interest of the public, not a select few.

Please debate about how to end poverty, increase productivity in the government, about making Malaysia a better place to live. Please debate about ways of increasing our standard of living, about a stronger currency, a better and more efficient taxation system and reducing crime, about an effective way on preventing profiteering. Please vote on a motion to stop the rediculous notion that public transport be a money making entity of the government, about diverting the subsidies for oil into improving/subsidizing our public transportation network and services, or vote against the dumb idea that all non-performing GLC's be automatically bought by Khazanah. Please approve the immediately-effective ruling to reduce alcohol prices. Stop thinking just about your fucked up selves. The world does not just revolve around you. Amen!