Saturday, August 27, 2005

Our Pals, The Indons


For a long long time I had wanted to comment on the haze. Every single lazy, jobless day in the office I sat at my desk contemplating. I thought, why fan the fire (literally)? I ought to be a polite, neighbour-loving Malaysian. Love thy neighbour, Big Joe commanded. Don't do unto others what you won't do to yourself the famous saying goes. Yeah, fuck all that to hazy hell.

For a very long time the Indonesians have been jealous of us all. A deceitful and bitter lot really. The Kiasu King Singaporeans were always top of the ASEAN class with their autocratic democracy, followed generally by a tussle for second between Turbulent Thaksin Thailand, Lagging Malaysia and rank outsiders, the Drama-Queen Phillipines. As of late though, the Constipations, Aquinos, Arroyos, Copulations and Macapagals of our region have gone to the dumps, due to, what else, infighting. Brunei generally don't figure in any plans, as the Sultan "sapu's" everything (including his poor father) in his greedy path, while the Myanmarese play Double Whammy with Human Rights military rule, as Cambodia and Laos go about their business in confused chaos.

Nooo. Not the Indons. A brash and outgoing lot they are. They wont stand aside, while Pertamina, with its much, much wider base of resources squats in the perpetual longish shadow of Petronas. Nope, not due to corruption. Just due those unfair Dutch bastards at Royal Shell. They wont bear with Malaysia sending back all their citizens without work permits. Oh no. Not a single aid for their own people (we bore all the costs). Knowing that Malaysia will cripple with the shocking lack of blue collared workers, they withhold any of their citizens from coming back with a proper work permit. Hmm, we need 300 Million more processes for approval they thought. Don't even get me started on claims for useless islands on unproven oil reserve territories in the middle of pirate infested waters. Oh, and howabout the snatch thieves and burgalars? The balls of that fella that wanted to register his child as a Bumiputera by cheating our registration office. Mother Fuckers.

I've not commented on the haze have I? Its really just a case of fucking us up every year. "This is how we clear land since our forefathers". Fuck you stupid Environment Minister of Indonesia. If your forefathers cut off their own cocks as they licked creamy Dutch balls, would you do the same? "We don't have enough people to fight the raging fires". Wonder why our New Straits Times decided to publish a picture of Indonesian volunteers, in clean white canvas shoes, and specially made t-shirts and trackbottoms, emptying a pail of water onto what looks like peat soil? I used to remember viewing footage of American firefighters in action in California, extinguishing bush fires. They happened to be in full gear, soiled top to bottom in soot, and looking like they could sleep 30 hours after that ordeal. Don't seem to remember any smiling Indons in school shoes with buckets. Poor arsed excuse. Oh, and the balls to start blaming Malaysia companies for starting the fires. Didn't you say that this was how you cleared land since you came crawling out of the forests?

And what did our government do about this? "In times like these, I look for Divine intervention. Lets all have special prayers." I choked on a glob of haze when I read that. For now, I am NOT voting for that weakling to be back in office. Our leaders are supposed to fight for our rights and interests. Not placate to bullshit slung from across the Straits of Malacca. Finally, after the haze had cleared, due to 3 days and 3 nights of Badawi prayers, we deploy our first batch of firefighters. Yay, lets help our neighbours extinguish the fires they started. Yay, lets pay for it ourselves. Yay, we love giving handouts to neighbours who don't give a fuck about us. Wished a Tsunami hit them a second time. At least it'll help extinguish those impossible peat fires, whilst killing all the culprits who set fire to the jungle. But, what of innocent women and children? I say.. Go especially for the women and children. Women will give birth to children, and children will learn to burn jungles to clear land, just as their useless forefathers. (Yes this is all written in poor form, damn me.)

And what of the next time something like this happens? Oh, lets do everything all over again! Lets all wear masks, be sick, breathe fucked up air and pray that the winds shift direction. Lets send our brave men over to Indonesia a day too late. We can't stop them from burning forests. It's how they have been clearing land since their forefathers. No no no Malaysia, don't intrude on the way our neighbours do things. Lets just be polite and drop like flies from poor air while praying for rain shall we?

P.S. I have met some very nice Indonesians. (My great attempt at balancing out my arguments)

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