Friday, April 08, 2005

Caveman Joe

The problem with jet lag is that it makes you extremely sleepy at very odd hours of the day. I found myself to be wide awake in the middle of the night, but extremely sleepy as the day awakens. This has led me to sleeping at 6am the past few days, waking up for lunch at 1.30pm, and continuing my slumber until around 7pm. Coincidentally, this could also be due to the fact that prior to my excursion (Yes, I still call it that. Sounds more sophisticated than "holiday"), I've been up to pretty much the same schedule. Coincidentally too, this could be due to the fact that I am fat and like to sleep alot and at odd hours. BUT, I am going to blame jet lag for now, because like all fat, lazy men, I am in denial.

Yesterday, while in the middle of one of my beauty-sleeps, my father woke me up. He asked me to come down and said there was a lot to do. So, being the fillial son that I was, I heeded his commands. He asked me to wear some rubber fisherman boots, and threw me some gloves. I had just woken up, dazed and confused. Then I saw the carnage in my backyard. Apparently the storm had washed half my garden away, with 2 big trees that needed to be cut down because it was dragging and leaning against other trees.

There is an incessant need in all men, big or small, to exude machoness. And I can tell you, that there is no better way to do it than to wield a chainsaw (or drive an 18-wheeler cross-continent). Nevermind that it was a "kuchified" electric chainsaw and not the gasoline powered ones (which I have used before, mind you). I truly felt like the master of that poor half-fallen tree. I ravage it like it was a hot young gorgeous model that begged me for pleasure. I raped it till it couldn't scream in orgasmic pleasure anymore. So that was a little overdramatic, but I really felt like a man in charge, like I was emitting so much sexiness that any woman passing by would eagerly want me to be the father of their babies. My sperm felt strong and agile. Mighty sperm.

Which brings me to another point. I believe that the driving force behind all humans on earth is the need to continue the line, to maintain the family and produce the next generation (in other words, to fuck and get babies). Everything on earth that we have done, from the time we were foetuses to the time we die is geared to ensuring the survival of our species. People might say, how has going to school got anything to do with procreation? Well, the reason why we go to school is so that we will be equipped with basic knowledge which will expand as we progress and finally lead us to our degrees. Then we look for a job, so that we can all become independent, appealing and support the family that we might be building. Families usually mean offspring. Adopted kids are also a legacy of their parents.

But what becomes of the old maid, or the 50 year old bachelor? Truth is, nature is all about survival of the fittest. Species' will continue to survive and evolve because it is the strongest and is able to. I may be mean by saying this, but maybe old maids and sad 50 year old bachelors aren't meant to be the strongest around. And so their legacy dies with them. Since it is the survival of the fittest, it's about people snagging the best the opposite sex has to offer. To some this may mean the smartest of the lot, to others the richest, or the strongest, or most feminine or most beautiful, or most interesting.

Which explains why men feel a primal need to exude testosterone and machoness. Look at me, me Huggawaloo *thumps barrel chest*, me strong *kills 2 woolly mammoths for breakfast*, me can operate chainsaw *ravages the neighbours hedge*. If only my father didn't build that perimeter wall. I'd be busy making womenkind happy now.

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