Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The Unforgettable Trip

The hiatus (yes, I realize that 1 month is too long to be called a hiatus) was almost everything I had expected it to be. The UK, and Europe, was every bit as exciting as I had hoped it would be. The environment was a good change. The weather. The weather was appealing, but that depends on where I was. I covered so many places, saw so many things, and experienced what I could never experience here, in Malaysia.

I went on the trip with hope in mind. I came back from it with a different type of hope. There were times when I thought it was all a lost cause. There were times when I thought that all I wanted to do was to return home. The first two weeks were hell for various reasons. It left me emotionally exhausted, emotionally detached, and physically incapable of moving. I was decapitated by what I was experiencing.

I had gone there to see my girlfriend. It was meant to be the culmination of 3 years of planning and finding the right time to execute it. We didn't expect it to be like how it became. When the time finally came, we did it. We broke up after 5 and a half years of being together. (That was actually our second breakup, having broken up a long long time ago). It was painful, it was harrowing, but circumstances never allowed us to be together for as long as I had wanted us to remain.

It was meant to be a closure. A month for us to close the sincerity that was our relationship. To say the last words, to prepare for moving on. I secretly hoped that we wouldn't end, but hope remained as it was, hope. The days following was especially difficult, because Prague and Paris were two enchanting and romantic cities. Paris especially, was every bit as captivating as we were led to believe it was. We chose the cities because of that. We ended up going together as friends. It was depressing.

I remember sitting together in the Parc du Champ de Mars, facing the Eiffel Tower as sunset approached. We had just finished walking the entire of Paris across 6 arrondissements in just a day. She was next to me. But she was so distant and detached. We argued as the Eiffel sparkled for the first time that day at 7pm. We left what was potentially the most romantic setting on earth angry and enraged with one another.

Since that day, we have kissed and made up. When trouble hits our relationship, we retreat to bestfriendome, a safety kingdome to ensure that we never really part. It has happened once before. We are still seperated, but somehow bonded by something greater than common love. There are so many years left and so many opportunities. I do want her to experience everything before settling down. My hope as I return, is that one day, God will reward me for being so loyal to one person.

She told me once that its not about the places you go, but who you go with. So that was what my trip as about. Spending time in Nottingham, Manchester, Prague, Paris and London with a person I had come to love, and will probably continue loving. The future remains uncertain in many many ways, but if it was predictable, it wouldn't be so interesting, would it?

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