Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Fleeing Siblings

I envy the families that my friends are a part of. Specifically, I envy their relationship with their siblings (With the exception of 1 or 2 similar cases). Granted, almost everyone has spats, quarels, banter, wrestling, death threats and incest brother sister sex, but somehow, barring illegitimate children and dead bodies, everything works out well and good.

I had a fallout with my younger sister not so recently. Thinking about it, I was amazed with how long it took for us to have that fallout. At age 6, she threatened to kill me with a butter knife. From 7-11, she used her claws to such great effect, leaving me with a scar I can still see today. At age 12, when she was bigger than me (she was big, I nicknamed her nangka(jackfruit) because of her shape), she would trash me at wrestling, regularly pinning me down. I survived physical abuse just fine. At age 13, when she was finally proficient enough in the English language, she started arguing for a living. Then hell broke lose.

Whoever the socially inept retarded asswipe that came up with the little saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" must have been high on morphine in some dank, piss ridden back alley, with rats knawing his balls off. Either that, or he was born a deaf fucker. No, that can't be, because I would have still been able to write a derigatory essay to a deaf fucker.

Needless to say, at age 21, she went too far with her mouth on a very very wrong day, and received the beating of the life of her left arm. A nice big black swollen area on her upper arm prevented sleeveless tops for more than a month. I was happy that I beat her left arm up, mainly because it was my last chance to. ( A tinge of regret though, because I really wanted to punch her teeth off. But I thought again that an ugly bitch will be unmarry-able. This will pose problems to me, as this would mean that she would be hanging around longer. See, Im considerate.). My father, the sly sly sly man that he is, was secretly happy, mainly because someone had inadvertantly done his job for him. My mother was there, watching it all unfold, because well, I think shes got a sadistic streak in her.

If you're thinking at this moment that I am the seriously brutal wife beating redneck type, think again. I was on the receiving end of abuse for the better part of 15 years. It took me 15 years to crack. I've also stuck my neck out for her many many times. (When my sister turned 18, my father wanted to marry her off to a 50 year old mamak man, knowing that she was already getting out of hand. He was dead serious. I intervened and pleaded to let my sister continue her studies. Biggest regret of my life. If not I would have had a rich mamak brother-in-law by now). I know plenty of guys who crack for much much less. Plus, I've made it clear that I am severing all ties with her. So, no more beatings, just that one joyous, fulfilling, relieving moment.

So, what recent incident brought up this story? Well, to cut the story short, my younger brother is up next. Sadly, he's only 11, and hes got a mouth that his brain can't keep up with. If he has brains to begin with. We would be happy if he had a brain that was half as smart as his chicken backside mouth was. I would really hate to end up beating his left arm too, and severing all ties. However, only time will tell. Don't think though, that for even a darned second, that I would have any grouses about severing ties with him too.

Call me what you want, label me as you like. I'll pass the bitch over to you to live with and see how you fair. I'll happily throw in my brother as a free gift. We know how much Malaysians love free gifts right? So, any takers? OK. I'll throw in a lifetime supply of Cameron Highlands vegetables for the unlucky human being. No buddhist monks are allowed to participate in this scheme.

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