Thursday, February 17, 2005

Melancholic Despair

Melancholic despair. The rhapsody of harrowing pain, hurt and indignity that has become my existance. Long vanished were days of everlasting sunshine, of playful clouds dancing to the tune of my mind. Laboring to prove that there is indeed a need to continue this suffering. My heart struggles for conviction. None more so, than at a crucial time such as this. I am in pain.

Designated I have become, the banished soul of a cheerful lover. Though dignified I am in this exile, I continue my masochistic ways. The road back to colorful rainbows may have long passed, but heaven it is that we shall continue searching. Even if heaven ushers different realities to the both of us. To be hurt, or to hate, are those really choices? Differing degrees of hell is what I see right now. How deep do I want to fall? Will it be all the same, no matter how deep I go? I am in pain.

Deep in a rut. Our fight almost over. All that we've worked for, ruined by the clipped wings of hope. Darkness befalls all that surrounds us, eclipsing even the once mighty but befallen spirit. No one can help me now. No being powerful enough to intervene. God, the God that we all know by different names, is a mere back-bencher under these circumstances. A sadistic spectator of truths and outcomes. Let everything unravel, He says, for only you control your destiny. I have no more strength for destiny. I am in pain.

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